There are those people who enter our lives and leave us forever changed. That was Vanessa Marquez for me. For many years we were in nearly constant contact, through social media, text messages, and phone calls. We had many things in common, from a love of classic movies and television to being fans of Star Wars and Star Trek. We grew very close. I worried about her when she was sick and, in turn, she worried about me. I confided in her things I told no one else. Quite simply, with Vanessa Marquez, I could be myself. I honestly think she found something even I could not find, the real me. Ultimately, Vanessa was the most important person in my life aside from my parents and my siblings. I certainly love her more than anyone else I knew.
It is because of this that December 21 is a difficult day for me. On the one hand, I am happy because it is the birthday of Vanessa Marquez, the one woman I love more than anyone else. She enriched my life more than anybody else and so the day is certainly one to celebrate. On the other hand, Vanessa has been dead for over six years. I can't wish her a "Happy Birthday" as I once did, nor can I make an electronic birthday card for her. To a degree, December 21 serves as a reminder that my Vanessa is gone, and that does cause me pain.
It is perhaps a mark of how important Vanessa is to me that as an actress she made an impression on me, often out of proportion to the roles she played. Vanessa appeared in the only episode of the obscure sitcom Nurses that I can clearly remember, "The One After the Earthquake." I could not only remember the plot of the episode and that Vanessa was remarkably pretty, but the circumstances under which I saw the episode. Nurse Wendy Goldman was my favourite character on ER and I noticed when she disappeared after the fourth season. I can only think that I picked up on something about Vanessa in the various roles she played, something that made me realize we might have a lot in common, that she could be a kindred spirit.
Regardless, the plain truth is that I cannot adequately say how special Vanessa was and still is to me. To me she was the most remarkable person I have ever known, and not because she was a famous actress. She was not simply talented and beautiful. Vanessa was very intelligent, much more so than I have ever been. Not only did she have an excellent memory, but her reasoning ability could often be remarkable. Vanessa was also warm, loving, and caring. She could remember the most trivial things about her friends, things that others might well forget. She worried about her friends when they were sick, and she was always the first one to take up for her friends if one of them was attacked. Vanessa also had an excellent sense of humour. Obviously one can see her gift for comedy in the television shows and movies in which she appeared, but she was also capable of making jokes spontaneously during conversations. She had the most beautiful laugh, and when talking with Vanessa, she laughed often. Even if Vanessa had never been a famous actress, regardless of what job she may have done in her life, Vanessa Marquez would have been a remarkable human being.
Vanessa certainly had her problems, but I could never have asked for a better friend than her. And I loved her more than anyone else I have ever known. I have missed her ever since she died, but on her birthday, today, I always find myself missing her a little more. One of the things I have always regretted about my friendship with Vanessa is that I never told her I loved her, how very much I loved her. I only hope that somehow, some way, she knows that now. I never loved anyone as much as Vanessa Marquez.
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