As to myself, the past three weeks have been hard on me. I have described Vanessa as an extremely close friend or dear friend, but the fact is that she was my best friend. To make things worse, I was and still am very much in love with her. I can't speak for how Vanessa felt, but for me she was the centre of my universe. I miss hearing her voice on the phone, texting with her, and interacting with her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. I miss her terribly, and I have cried every single day since her death.
Today the Friends of Vanessa Marquez Memorial is being held in Arroyo Park in South Pasadena, California from 10:00 AM PDT to 2:00 PM PDT. It was organised by Cheryl Hansen and others to honour the memory of Vanessa. Being here in Missouri I cannot attend (a fact which causes me no little bit of pain), although I will be present in spirit. The songs "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and "In My Life" will be performed (Vanessa was a huge fan of both The Wizard of Oz and The Beatles) because of my suggestions. I bought flowers that a friend will take to the memorial. I also wrote a short piece that will be read at the memorial. I kept it brief as I know many will want to speak. And because this is Vanessa's memorial, I only addressed my feelings for her in the very last part. It is as follows:
"Vanessa often said that her name meant 'butterfly', and the name certainly fit her. Like a butterfly, Vanessa was beautiful, tiny, and fragile-looking. But also like a butterfly, she had hidden strength that might not be obvious by simply looking at her. Vanessa had the strength to persevere through hardships, through being blacklisted as an actress, and through her terminal illness. She often lent that strength to her friends and that strength was among the many reasons we loved her. She was always there in times of need, always there to support her friends when they were down, and always swift to defend them. When I was sad or depressed, Vanessa was always the first to comfort me. Among her many friends in the Turner Classic Movies fan community she was considered 'the Sweetheart of #TCMParty'. She was a kind, considerate, generous, gracious, and vibrant woman. It was little wonder she had so many friends who loved her so. I count myself among them and I feel lucky to have known her. Vanessa, I don't know if you can hear me, but let me say that I have always loved you and I always will. "
While today I will be here in Missouri come 10:00 AM PDT, my heart will be in California.
